By: Dove
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From sub-conscious reasons behind fear of failure (or success), to piles of excuses for lack of follow-through, there is no doubt that we often sell ourselves short when it comes to realizing our goals. In fact, in recent studies researchers found that 88% of people fail to keep any of their New Year’s resolutions. So what is the secret behind making this “your” year?

As founder of the RADICAL Success Institute and Get RADICAL Women’s Conference, Doreen Rainey has made it her life to help others overcome their personal and professional obstacles. Her career as a “RADICAL Success Coach” has been built on helping others pull themselves together.

A graduate of Spelman, Rainey received a Masters of Science in Conflict Negotiation and Conflict Management from the University of Baltimore, then went on to obtain certification from the world renowned Coaches Training Institute. Through her work, Doreen has been able to bring formidably successful women to Washington, DC each year to inspire women from around the country at the Get RADICAL Women’s Conference.

At the conference, over 500 attendees are encouraged to face their fears and expectations (or lack thereof) in order to move forward with new ideas and ideals. There is always an impressive line-up of talent to draw inspiration from, and for March 2012 presentations include health and wellness expert Jillian Michaels, financial guru Suze Orman, motivational speaker Lisa Nichols, entrepreneur Ali Brown, and author/editor Monique Greenwood, to name a few.

To get our goals On Point, UrbLife.com asked Doreen Rainey for some advice on how we can make the most of our 2012 resolutions, and found out some good reasons why participating in a motivational conference like Get RADICAL may help us with goals far beyond this year. Read on!

What are some key pointers to keep your New Year’s resolutions moving positively forward for the rest of the year?

Doreen Rainey: 1. Take responsibility. ”Fresh start” means that you need to be ready to take responsibility. That means responsibility for the outcome, responsibility for the actions, and responsibility for making the plan. Just have within yourself that your success and your ability to achieve what you want is your responsibility. Not to depend on, blame, or look for others to do for you for what is, in fact, your responsibility.

2. Set an intention. So many people talk about their goals or milestones, but before you can do any of that you have to set an intention. What I mean by that is the “why” of your goals. Maybe your intention for the new year is to actually be joyful. Maybe your intention is to find happiness, or to have some peace or clean up messy relationships once and for all. Maybe your intention is to be more of a giver and a sharer.

Before you set any goal, I always tell people to set an intention.

3. Attack some goals with those intentions. Obviously you have more than one intention and more than one goal. Think about where you want your life to be at the end of 2012. It’s very easy to make a long list or to think about career, finance, relationships, and all of those different areas, but I would only choose like two or three major goals for the next year. That way, you won’t get overwhelmed.

Also, when people have a long list, they tend to jump around. When things get hard with one goal, they say, “Let me go over to this.” When it gets hard with that one, they go over to this. They’re giving themselves an ‘out’. Keep it to one or two, and then you’re focused.

4. Write down your plan. Once you have those two goals, you actually need to write down the plan. Many people will have a plan in their head, or they’ll think about, “Every week I’m going to do this” or “Every month I’m going to do this.” The reality is that you have to take out a piece of paper or take out your laptop and actually document those action steps. Then put those where you can actually see them on a daily basis.

5. Take action. The best way I feel to take action is to find an accountability partner. Someone who you can trust to support you through implementing your plans. Going back to number one, be willing to take responsibility when that relationship goes south. You have to be responsible enough to get it back on track, or find another responsibility partner.

6. Manage setbacks, disappointments, and obstacles. The best way is to pre-manage. Most of us already know what our obstacles will be before they show up. For example, if one of your goals is going back to school and if you are a single parent, you have a child and all of these things to do, and then you not only need a plan, but a contingency plan. So when things don’t work out, you know how to handle it.

If your goal is around weight, and you know that all of your friends like to go out and drink and happy hour and things like that, then you need to already know what you’re going to say. If you’re in debt, there is no extra money, so when people want to go out to dinner, you know you can’t go because you don’t have any extra money. I don’t care how much you have available on your credit card or whether you just got paid today. If it’s one of your goals to get out of debt, then you don’t have any money.

You shouldn’t be caught off guard when someone wants you to go out to dinner, or you see it’s a great sale going on at the store. You should already know what you’re going to do in those situations. There will be some things that you can’t predict, but if you can manage the ones that you can predict, when the ones come up that will blindside you, you have more clarity on how to handle it.

7. Celebrate small successes. Sometimes you get so caught up on the big goals that we forget to enjoy the journey. The first time that you actually run a 5K without stopping, that’s a celebration. The first time you do tell someone, “No, going out to eat is not fiscally responsible and I can’t go,” you should celebrate that. You should be excited about that!

If you’re trying to finish your degree and you complete the first class, don’t think about that you have two more years to go. Think about, “Oh my God, I just completed my first class, how exciting!” Every small step is a reason to celebrate. It keeps you excited and motivated about the next step and it gives you something to look back on and remember when times get hard or when you want to give up.

What inspired you to create a conference around your work?

DR: That interesting thing is most people at the top of the pyramid have some sort of “lack” and that’s why they come to coaching. A lack of confidence, a lack of success in their career, a lack of clarity in their relationship – and I come in to help them fill that gap, build them up, and plug those leaks that create that lack in whatever area that is.

When I do that with coaching, my reach is one-to-one. When I do it in group coaching, my reach is one-to-twelve. To have an entire conference where the main objective is to help you overcome that lack, then my reach goes to one-to-hundreds and hundreds and hundreds.

All of the people that I bring in have a contribution to helping the attendees really be able to say, “This part of my life, I need help.” This environment not only gives the information, you also get actual belief that, “I can leave this room and actually make it happen.”

You have everything within that when those holes are plugged up, that confidence is there, the right information is there, and the right accountability is there, then you go out and give to the world what you were created to give. The conference allows to me to do that to a much bigger audience than my coaching practice does.

What are some key things that you have done or the attendees have done to help it grow?

DR: I think that number one, there is an excitement that I try to convey when I talk about the conference, that people experience when they come to the conference. A lot of the feedback that I have gotten is that, “This is not what I expected!” Not knowing what they expected, but I know that you have to be fully engaged in every aspect of your life and you get all of that from the conference and that just resonates with people.

Yes, we have celebrity speakers, like Jillian Michaels and Suze Orman, but the environment itself generates excitement and generates growth. We have a large percentage of repeat attendees because of the learning that they get. I’ve had people say that they come every year and “Everything is better in my life – my finances, my relationship, my business, my health, everything is better because the content is so good and the information is so good.” I think the idea of excitement and there’s a lot going on, but also the content.

How do you, as a person that helps other people out, find the mental and emotional fortitude to stay on top of your game every day? Do you ever get sad or stressed?

DR: Oh my God every month I’m like, “I’m just going to get a job. I’m going to check out the wanted ads and send out resumes!” Absolutely. The beauty of what I do is that I can use it on myself as well because there are times when I feel like this isn’t working, I’m tired, all of those things that we all go through. Then I have to remember, if I was a client what would I tell myself? That’s one way.

Another way is finding help, so I’m a strong believer that everybody needs a coach periodically in their life. I don’t just talk my talk, I walk my walk as well. I have coaches that I have the opportunity to say, This is what’s working for me, this isn’t working for me, what’s going on with me, why am I feeling this way, what steps can I take to get back on track?” The same thing that every other person goes through, I go through as well. The same suggestions that I give it people, that’s the same thing I got through.

Also, you have to take time for some yourself. Sometimes that’s very hard if you have children, if you’re taking care of an older parent, you have a job that you work 50-60 hours a week. All of those things crunch into your time, but you have to find time for self-care. I mean literal time, not multi-tasking time. Some people say, “When I’m driving I listen to my favorite motivational CDs” – that’s multi-tasking not self-care.

Self-care means even if it has to be at 4:00am and whatever you do… for some people it’s working out, meditation, a massage, a spiritual experience, reading their Bible or something meaningful to them. Whatever it is, it has to be a priority. So many times we’ll let that be the first thing to go. We’ll skip a workout because, “Oh my gosh, I have to take a child to school early today” or we’ll cancel a massage because, “I’ve got to go and do something for a family member.”

The reality is that you’re only as good to other people as you’re good to yourself. That may come across as selfish to the other person, but then that’s their problem not yours.

What do you feel are some good justifications for someone to say, “I’m going to travel to Washington, DC and I’m going to spend what may be an exorbitant amount of money to some people on a conference?”

DR: I always say there are five reasons that women should come to this conference. The first is you’re in transition, you are stuck, you are literally wondering, “What is next for me?” It can be in your career or your relationship, you could just be feeling unsettled, your finances could be a mess, you could be thinking, “If I don’t do something about my health soon it can come back and bite me on the butt.”

A conference like this sparks the creation in your imagination. Not just from the people on the stage, but from other attendees. You’ll start think, “Ok, I know what direction I need to take next” or “I see what I want to do next” or “I see what that next move will be.” If you’re feeling stuck, then that’s the type of woman that should attend the conference.

Secondly, it’s those women that actually know what they want. They can roll their goals off in a heartbeat, but they don’t know how to do it. They tried to do it on their own and they haven’t figured it out, whether it’s get out of debt or try to start a business or take control of their health.

I mean weight loss, it’s simple, calories in calories out. Getting out of debt, the formula is simple, stop spending. So it can be the formula. Even though you have a goal and think you know what to do, there’s a piece missing. The speakers and experts that we have can fill in the missing pieces for you.

The third type of person, someone looking for your people. You’re looking for people that are doing something and are about something, who are on the move. You want to connect with people who can become resources for you, that can become your network, even can become ultimately your friend, because you are like the people that you hang around. The people who attend this conference are people who want to do more, be more, have more, and give more. If that’s you, then you want to be able to surround yourself with people who align with those same values and philosophies.

Number four is, you need to be educated. This is a content-rich conference. We’re going to have fun, we’re going to laugh, we’re going to have the whole production, it’s going to high for networking and getting to know people, but the reality is that you actually need to know what to do.

Your finances or relationships may be a mess, you may be scared to death, you may not trust your instincts or intuition. How do you trust yourself again, how do you make tough decisions? How do you get the guts to go back home and do the things that you know you need to do to make the life you say you want? You actually need step one of this, step two of this, and step three of this.

This year we have expanded it, we have “breakout sessions,” so there are two different tracks. If you’re a business owner or entrepreneur who wants to start a business or grow their business, you have specific sessions for that. If you’re someone that needs to focus on their relationships, life balance, and self-worth, then we have specific sessions for that. I tell people that you need education, you need to know what to do.

The last reason I tell people that they should come is plain and simple: we have fun. You’re going to have a good time! Sometimes we just need to have a good time. We need to leave that man, significant other, those kids… “I’m out!” You don’t care about who’s speaking, about learning anything, about networking, I’m going to go and enjoy myself. I’m going to order room service, enjoy the speakers, make some friends, and just have a good time.

For most people, it’s a little bit of all of those. There is not a conference like this, especially not on the east coast. There are business conferences, entrepreneur conferences, and industry events, but this is for the woman and creating the life and lifestyle that you want. We give you all of those tools to do that.

CLICK HERE to find out more about Doreen Rainey on her official site DoreenRainey.com

Follow Doreen on Twitter @DoreenRainey and click here to like her on Facebook

CLICK HERE to find out more about the Get RADICAL Women’s Conference, March 30-April 1, 2012

By: Dove
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You may know raspy-voiced brunette Jill Hennessy best from her lead character in NBC’s long-running series Crossing Jordan or from her stint in the ’90s on Law & Order. With over 24 years in the game on screen and stage to her name, the Canadian-born talent has more than made her mark in Hollywood, and she is also a dedicated musician, mother and wife.

2012 may be “the year” for Jill Hennessy, as she celebrates the big theater debut of her latest film Roadie alongside Ron Eldard and Bobby Cannavale on January 6, and a role in HBO’s newest series Luck with Dustin Hoffman which debuts on January 29. She is also touring in support of her latest album Ghost in My Head and working on a follow-up album.

UrbLife.com recently spoke with Hennessy about all of her projects and the ways she balances her home life and busy career. We also got a few words of her wisdom on how to maintain a positive outlook every day. Read on for some Optimism Rules with Jill Hennessy!

Did you do all of your singing in the movie Roadie?

Jill Hennessey: [laughs] Yes I did. I’m actually flattered that you think that I did not. We didn’t even have a real singing mic, we recorded using body mics in all of the scenes.

Did fans of your acting ever know that you were a singer?

JH: Only if you saw me playing in the subways years ago. I started off as a subway/street musician when I was 18 or 19-years-old, which I did to pay my rent and to pay for acting classes… one of my favorite jobs of all time. I just started pursuing music seven or eight years ago when I started writing. Before that, I was playing with bands. When I got Law and Order, I was playing with a band and I had to quit the band to make time for the shooting schedule.

Your character Nikki in Roadie seems to be a little desperate for the type of success you’ve achieved in real life.

JH: There’s such an air of desperation, but she hides it so good, because it’s like she’s hidden from that desire for so long it’s like she’s living in an island of denial, where she’s telling herself, “Oh my marriage is great and I’m happy playing in this little bar for 30 people once a month.” When Jimmy [played by Ron Eldard] comes back, he represents possibility and the dream that she’s kind of let go of years ago.

When it comes to playing characters that are lost, compared to characters like the lead in Crossing Jordan - what are some of the qualities you’d say are similar or different in the personalities?

JH: I think that Jordan was also kind of lost too. She was doctor but I think that she was mildly messed up to say the least. It’s what I liked about Nikki [in Roadie], I saw her as a really strong, loving, joyous person because of her circumstances and her upbringing. “Ok, I married this guy, he works at a car dealership that you’ll be taking care of and you can still play your little guitar. Whatever you do, don’t date that Jimmy guy who’s going off to play with a band.”

She made what she thought was sort of a safe choice and I think a deep part of herself has always regretted it. I find that fascinating to play, because it has a lot going on. A lot of dualistic characteristics – someone telling themselves that everything is great and they’re happy, to someone who’s like, “Please, please get me out of this life, I want to go out and sing and write songs, take me away!”

How were the songs developed in the movie?

JH: It’s actually a song that I wrote for my album, it’s called “Ghost in My Head“. I started writing after I had kids and I started really thinking about my parents. My mom moved out when I was like 12. After I had my own kids and I suffered some loss, I saw that writing music was the only thing that kind of helped me deal with that.

“Ghost in My Head,” the song that I’m singing in the hotel scene in the movie, is the title track to my album. Michael Cuesta had mentioned to me that Nikki and he husband couldn’t have kids, so I said, “What if they lost a child…” something very specific that I could work with. I had like 14 other songs, but that one helped with the character.

When does the album come out?

JH: That album has actually come out. I’m working on my second album now. I’m probably going to finish that when I go back to LA and work on this HBO series. My friend/producer/mixer is out there like two blocks away from me. We record in his garage. It’s a guy who I met at a coffee shop who was actually a mixer for Guns n Roses. We got together completely by accident, just love his sensibility. We’ve already put down three different tracks, I still have a whole eight more to go.

So Roadie sort of parallels your life in a way?

JH: Yes, it’s much closer to who I am than any TV character I’ve played. Lately a lot of the films that I have been doing are a lot closer to who I am, and what I feel like I’m more capable of doing as an actor. I’ve shown a lot more versatility and range.

How are you going to juggle your life in the next few months?

JH: That’s a really good question, but it’s always been catch and catch can. I started writing on Crossing Jordan, and at that time I had a 3-year-old son. He would be in my trailer with me, with my husband, or with my friends, and I would go to the bathroom and write a couple of lines for a song. Or I would do it during my lunch hour or when I had insomnia.

Now with this HBO series, I only work about five days a month. Here in Manhattan, I get to take my kids to school, and I get to raise my kids. I fly off to L.A. for four or five days, come back and I’m writing music and playing out. We did a little tour through Italy in July. We had so much fun, we’ve played 10 different towns across northern Italy. I never would have thought I would do something like that.

Have you ever had a roadie on your tour?

JH: My husband always says that he’s a roadie. God bless him. When we bring the equipment around, he’s carrying the guitar case like he’s the musician. Actually he’s just carrying my guitar for me. My 8-year-old son sometimes does some roadie type work, helping break down the stage and carrying cables.

Do your kids want to be like mom when they grow up?

JH: I haven’t asked them specifically what they want to do. My oldest son loves music and loves singing in a very sort of shy way. He’s kind of obsessed with Adele now and with Usher. He’s actually got great pitch. My younger son loves dancing and loves Lady Gaga. I love Lady Gaga, and I usually throw on a cover somewhere in my gig. It sounds a lot different on the acoustic guitar.

What can you tell us about your character on Luck?

JH: It’s a tremendous series! Michael Mann is the producer and main director. David Nilch is the main writer. Dustin Hoffman is a producer, but is also the lead along with Nick Nolte. It’s a huge ensemble cast, which is why the work schedule is so evenly distributed.

John Ortiz is in it too, he plays my boyfriend. He actually originated the role of The Mother*cker with the Hat [prior to the Broadway debut], and Bobby Cannavale was [nominated for] a Tony for that [in 2011]. So that’s sort of an interesting coincidence… going out with John in Luck and married to Bobby in Roadie.

In Luck, I play a veterinarian for race horses, and I’m a veterinarian for [Hoffman's] horse and Nick Nolte’s horse. It’s such a brilliant show, and working with HBO, it’s like shooting a movie every episode. You also have the luxury of time, you shoot an episode in the same amount of time that it took to shoot Roadie. I never had that type of luxury before. You should see Dustin Hoffman, it just blows my mind.

Have there been any professional cues or advice you have taken from Dustin Hoffman?

JH: Yeah, definitely! Not to be hard on yourself, and that it’s a good thing to love what you do and to always make it fun. Make it fun for other people, it will only make you feel good if you make other people feel good. That’s the one thing I got from him. So many people don’t do that. He’s such a great talent, he has a way of making everyone on set feel better about themselves, and that’s something that I totally want to emulate.

What advice would you give anyone in their 30′s or 40′s trying to start something in their life that they haven’t tried yet?

JH: Just go for it. Don’t ever feel like anything is over. I know people that are in their 70′s that are trying new avenues and trying to explore new passions, and they’re the happiest they’ve ever been in their lives. I feel younger than I did than when I was in my mid 20′s. I was like, “Oh I’ll never get another acting role, this is it. Now I’m on my second album, I’ve done things that I never thought that I would do.”

Can you give us seven pieces of positive thinking advice – your Optimism Rules?

1. Don’t criticize yourself.
2. Feel free to smile at people.
3. Try to make someone smile at least once a day.
4. Sing to yourself or with somebody.
5. Treat yourself to something regularly.
6. Listen to how kids play and scream and laugh, incorporate some of that in your day to day self expression.
7. Do something physical – you’ll feel better.

Editor’s note: After conducting this interview in December, I went to see Jill perform at New York’s City Winery. It was evident from each song she performed that her family and a long line of friends and supporters have greatly influenced her songwriting. If you’re a fan of folk rock or American country rock, I highly recommend her album Ghost in My Head!

You can keep up with Jill’s schedule and latest work at JillHennessy.com, and follow her on Twitter @JillHennessy

Watch the Roadie film trailer

Watch the trailer for HBO’s Luck

By: Dove
—

Mona Scott-Young is a rare breed of business person who has not only blazed trails for female entrepreneurs, she has also helped to position some of today’s biggest stars in the pop arena. After nearly two decades as co-owner and president of Violator Management, Mona stepped out on her own to launch Monami Entertainment, a management and marketing firm for music, film and lifestyle.

Also a wife, mother and philanthropist, this motivated Gen-Xer has redefined her look, her life and her career with bold strides, and has new ideas at every turn. In 2010, Mona took on the burgeoning world of reality television with her instant VH1 hit Love & Hip Hop. With emotionally volatile cast members seeking questions about love, life, friendship and fame, the weekly series has fans and media alike hopping on the bandwagon to choose sides and criticize the plots.

But are these situations real, or is it all just set up? You might be surprised at the answer.

In this exclusive UrbLife.com interview, Mona Scott-Young gives us some insight on her amazing career, why she values women in the workplace and encourages their growth, how she feels about single life versus married life, and why she’s standing firmly behind Love & Hip Hop. Read on for some real Tough Love!

After working with so many men, and now having your own company and employing so many women, have you found many different dynamics in the way your team cooperates?

Mona Scott Young: Oh, absolutely. I had some great guys on the team and my partners are men in the company. I think that it honestly depends on the person. I have probably one of the most killer work ethics, because I don’t know how to operate in moderation. I go hard all day long. I end up burning through people quickly, because I have a certain expectation level and I never want to be slowed down by the energy of folks or the unwillingness to put in the hard work up front.

I do have some great women. I feel a certain sense of responsibility to try and provide opportunities for women, so I try to surround myself with dynamic, forward thinking, and aggressive women. I think that we need to reach back and provide doors, because men do that all day long.

I do have some really great guys in my circle that support me and hold me down and have been around for years, that understand what I’m trying to accomplish and want to be a part of that movement. I don’t know if it’s really the male versus female for me – it’s more about work ethic and enthusiasm and how well rounded a person is, and how they’re able to multitask and handle and juggle and take everything in stride to get the job done.

Sometimes that comes in the form of a man and sometimes it comes in the form of a woman. I think those opportunities are far and fewer in between with women, and it’s up to us to keep the flow and legacy by reaching back and pulling another one of us up.

With everything that you do, you have a smile on your face, even when things get a little tense. What do you pass on to others about attitude and image?

MSY: All we have is our reputation and our relationships, and those are two things that I carry very carefully. I think attitude and personality and the ability to navigate and interact and relate to people all play into that very heavily. Nobody needs to know I had a bad day, nobody cares. That’s one thing, but two, I’m at a point in my life and my career where this is such a big part of what I do, I have to do it in an environment with people and with an attitude to enjoy my life.

If this is so freaking stressful and I’m so unhappy, then I don’t need to be doing it. I do this because I love it and enjoy it. I’m grateful and I’m happy to be here. I’m thrilled and blessed to be at this point in my career. I’m enjoying what is a second life of sorts, because I’m doing something totally new and different. That’s a blessing right there, there’s nothing for me to not be smiling about. I could be at home twiddling my thumbs wondering how I’m going to pay the mortgage. This is all a blessing.

I’m very happy to be alive, and to be able to do what I love and to earn a living doing it. I know that I have a strong personality, and it’s infectious. Don’t think I don’t have bad days where everyone is walking around on pins and needles, but for the most part I want to create an environment where people thrive and want to be there to put in the hard work. It isn’t easy. The last thing they need to do is hate what they’re doing.

It’s definitely a testament to leaving the dog-eat-dog situations. Just moving, doing my own thing on my own terms exactly how I want to do it. The ‘Monami‘ is not just a nod to my French heritage or a very cute play on my name, it also means my sign in French, and the spirit that I want to do business in. It really embodies where I am and the space I’m in at this point in my life.

Because you’ve been successful both in and out of marriage, do you have pros and cons for each? How would you explain to someone what the difference is?

MSY: I have no cons. If [marriage] changes it, absolutely it makes you more aggressive, hungry, and more determined, because now you’re not just doing it for yourself. You have responsibilities to other lives that you have to take care of. All it did was enhance it.

Honestly I was still doing it as a single woman… great, money to burn, wonderful. When I go home at night, it’s just me… and who do you share it with? Also, the element of really, as you become more successful, having to choose the new people coming into your life very carefully, because you don’t know what their motives are.

For me, being married changed my life for the better. We had our children and our family, and it wasn’t until our son said to me, “Mom your last name is Scott; Jordan and I are Scott-Young… please don’t tell me you guys aren’t married.” We were like “Oh shoot the jig is up! Let’s tie the knot.” So we decided to get married, and we were already in a committed relationship.

At that point in my career, there was no way that I could have done it without the support of my husband. It was about finding someone that I could share not just the highs, but the lows. There were days when the deals didn’t go down and I had a really rough day… who do you share that with? For the most part, the people in your life, the people that you’re dating, they’re worrying about the good times, the sexy, exciting, glamorous stuff. They don’t worry about the deal didn’t go through and the shit didn’t jump off the way that you wanted it to.

I was feeling exhausted and literally drained [starting my company], and apprehensive about the next move. That was a very scary time in my life. [My career] was something that I spent 18 years building, and I was stepping out on faith and starting all over again. That was something I don’t know if I would have had the courage to do that as boldly as I did with no regrets. I was stepping out on faith, and was like, “I’m going to be good, I know this.”

My husband told me whether it was in these four walls or four walls smaller than this, we are who we are and that’s what’s important and that’s what matters.

Family, for me, only made things that much better, and having my kids changed my life completely. Now I have perspective, now I have legacy someone to build this for, someone to hand it down to. When I have that day and my daughter is like, “Mommy you’re beautiful and I love you,” that is like the end-all of all end-alls.

Even when other women say to me, “I don’t know when I’m going to have the time, I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I’m like, “It’s never a right time.” You want to make sure that you have certain things in place so that you can do right by your family. If it’s something that you’re feeling in your heart, don’t think that there’s a blueprint for this, because it really isn’t. It changes your life for the better.

What would you say is the best tough love advice you have ever gotten that really stuck with you?

MSY: I was on a flight, and it was in the Sky Mall catalog… “In life you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.” [originally from motivational author Dr. Chester Karrass] Think about that. We walk around putting in the work and looking for somebody to say “I get it, you did a great job, and I’ll take care of you.” How often does that happen? Very rarely.

I came to understand and realize that me taking care of me is nothing but business. Me making sure my deals are straight and that I’m doing what I have to do so that my time, energy, and effort, because every second toiling away at something is a second I’m spending away from my family, I’m not raising my children, I’m not spending time with my husband. I need to make sure that all of those moments are spent in a way that benefits my family. That’s always first and foremost with me.

That also came with learning some hard and expensive lessons in this game – trusting people and working with good faith. Operating with the impression that you were in business with people that you thought were going to have your back and look out for you.

Now my thought process is very cut and dry, very simple, not personal. My time and my faculty, those are my assets, they’re all sweat equity. The brand is me, and my time has to be classified in a way that makes sense in order for me to take it away from things that are important to me. I don’t sit around waiting for anyone else to do right by me, because if I don’t do right by myself, then shame on me.

You must have been reading the press on your show Love & Hip Hop, and all the criticism on the way the cast behaves. Being a role model in business as you are, do their antics concern you? Do you ever wish these women would see things in their lives differently? Do you ever want to shake them?

MSY: Absolutely, and know that I absolutely do. The one thing I said going into this with them is to understand that this is not a magic box on camera. It will only capture what you put out there, and that is the material that I will edit to create the show, so be very mindful of that at all times. You have the ultimate power, because it’s about what you do and what you say.

At times I’m like, “Am I doing the right thing?” The one thing that I stand by is the fact that when I very seriously analyzed the show, it was more of an incomplete picture of who these women are. Of course, it’s the drama that’s going to make these reality shows work. I think it’s going to be an element of really getting to know these women and understanding the world that they live in and what they go through, good, bad, or ugly.

Women are represented in so many different ways. Who am I to judge how someone else chooses to live out their life? It’s not about exploitation, because there is a give and take with this. If you look to the opportunities that have been afforded to women like Nene [Leakes], like Evelyn Lozada, like Tami [Roman] who have book deals and movie deals and all kinds of other things. There are opportunities for the exposure that we see that without the TV show, they may not have had access to.

Do they have the ability to control what is put on camera? Absolutely. If they choose not to, will it end up on air? Absolutely. Why? Because I’m good at what I do, and I’m never going to ask them. I’m going to make the best damn reality show that I can make. Just like if I was making a documentary or a cartoon, it would be the best damn cartoon. I hope to be able to provide opportunities for these women, and I hope to continue to be able to do that.

What I do say to all of them is, “Be very clear about what you’re getting into. Know that this is something that you wanted, know the reasons and line up those reasons like dominoes so that you can tip them when the opportunities open up, and you can leverage this into whatever you want to leverage it into, because you guys are giving up a lot. Giving up your lives, showing your hurts, disappointments, vulnerabilities, and you should absolutely benefit from that.”

Emily’s story was very difficult to tell because she was hurting so much. What was interesting to me after the first season was, she said [later] that she didn’t even realize how much she was hurting, like, “This has been therapeutic for me; I didn’t realize that I was suppressing all of these emotions. Now I feel lighter and freer like I can see this more clearly, because it was hard for me to look at this subjectively because I was in the thick of it and what you did was kind of hold up a mirror.”

It’s like there’s benefits to all of this. We can sit back and judge people, but what I try to do is tell the truest story about their lives that I could. None of this fabricated, none of this is scripted, and I’m not putting words into their mouths. At very most, we’re taking scenarios that are actually playing themselves out in their real lives.

We format them so that it fits for TV. We had this argument, but the cameras weren’t rolling, so we’re going to find another point of entry so that we can reintroduce this on the show. We are filming a TV show ladies. Where are we going to do this? Is it going to be in a restaurant or on a street corner?

How do you tell people the truth about what you have to do to be Mona Scott Young?

MSY: The first thing that I would do is encourage. I’m amazed at what the human mind and spirit can accomplish once it sets itself on a goal. I never tried to dissuade anyone, because I think that we all have different skill sets. Focus on your skill set, figure out what you’re really good at, then hone in on that shit until it’s finely tuned tool for you to use to help get you to where you’re going.

I encourage women that say that they want to be me. Be me, so then I can go ahead and be Oprah. Push me up the ladder. Sometimes I get a little concerned when I look around and see the young women that are coming up in the game – even the ones coming through the educational system, it’s like, “Wow where are we? Are we well represented? Are we empowering our young women in the way that’s going to provide them with some kind of legacy?”

To me, it’s about making sure that they understand through hard work and commitment and being dedicated – are they going to get to all of those goals that they want to accomplish? Make sure your head is on straight. Whatever it is that you want to do, fine tune those skills. That intellectual information, your personal skill set, that’s your competitive edge.

Everyone can go and get the same education; everyone can have the same degree. What makes you uniquely you is your skills. That’s what you need to fine tune and develop to make sure you are the absolutely best you that you can be. That’s the only thing that no one else can compete with. No one else can beat you but you.

Find out more about Mona Scott-Young at MonamiEnt.com and follow her on Twitter @MonaScottYoung

CLICK HERE to Find out more about Love & Hip Hop, and to watch full episodes and exclusive clips

The life of a public relations professional can be hectic, time-consuming (even smothering) and often thankless. Add entrepreneurship, running a busy office and representing some of the biggest celebrities and brands in the world to the equation, and it seems like there would be no time for sleep. Then 5WPR founder Ronn Torossian comes along and makes the work look nearly effortless.

When Brooklyn-born, Bronx-raised go-getter Torossian started his firm in 2003, he had the vision to bring together great minds in the publicity field to create a family of sorts with appealing clientele. In less than a decade, he’s got an award-winning bi-coastal company, which is among the Top 25 largest independent public relations firms in the United States.

Additionally, Ronn received accolades in the “40 Under 40” lists for both Advertising Age (2006) and PR Week (2007), as well as becoming a semi-finalist for the 2010 Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year. In 2011, he released his first book For Immediate Release: Shape Minds, Build Brands, and Deliver Results with Game-Changing Public Relations, making waves on Amazon.com’s PR Best Seller List.

As he sets up for 2012, Torossian is admittedly still learning to balance his formidable career with being a dad, and still making time for himself. The spitfire spin doctor recently talked with us about his accomplishments thus far, the ways he marries enthusiasm and work ethic, and much more.

What are the biggest changes in the in PR industry as of late? How does a serious publicist deal with being stereotyped? Read on as Ronn Torossian allows UrbLife.com to get in his business!

What are some of the most exciting things that you have experienced as an entrepreneur?

Ronn Torossian: Owning your own business is always something different. Every single day there is something different going on, good, bad, or indifferent. Being an entrepreneur, you can never be lazy. One thing that is very exciting is, if you’re a prize fighter, you train eight months for that one big fight. If you’re a football player, you train six days a week for that seventh day. Being an entrepreneur you have to be on every single day. Every day you have to bring it.

That’s something that is very exciting for anyone who thinks to work for themselves, who wants to have their own challenges, their own pushes. It’s something that is exciting, exhilarating, and scary all at the same time. I think that is something that I have absolutely learned, and continue to learn.

Are there any particular books that you read through the course of your career that helped you to keep that mindset of constant change?

RT: I read a lot of books. I love The Tipping Point, The Old Rules of Marketing are Dead… one of the greatest books I ever read is It’s Not the Big That Eats the Small, It’s The Fast That Eats the Slow. That’s really a great book, I love that book, it’s really exciting.

I think that a good entrepreneur, certainly a good PR person, is always reading, always trying to find more. You always have to be on your game, always have to be looking toward the next thing. I’m always reading and always trying to find more challenges.

What are the three biggest changes that you’ve witnessed in the PR industry in recent years?

RT: One is, digital media is here to stay and not going anywhere. Speed. If you miss a phone call… in the world today, try not calling your best friend back after three hours, try not emailing back, I think you’re dead. I think that speed matters tremendously today. In the PR business, really in any business, say you’re going to a meeting and you don’t call somebody back, then you’re going to see your name all over newswires that you weren’t available for comment.

I think the third thing, we seen it with the killing of Gadhafi, you don’t see it on Fox News video or CNN news video or in the New York Times, you see people in the streets shooting it themselves. Everybody today is a journalist, and everybody today is in media. Everybody has access to making a statement, to saying something, and that’s good and exciting, but also scary.

At what point have PR people had to accept bloggers as real journalists?

RT: I don’t think you have a choice. In today’s world, everyone can make a statement and be heard. It’s a fact of life today. Every single person out there can say something and be heard. I don’t know if it’s something that’s ever going to go away.

Bottom line is, if I write something true or untrue, it’s out there on the internet, you have to deal with it.  They don’t need to love it, but they need to understand that it’s something that’s not going to go away.

What is your go-to philosophy when times get tough in business?

RT: Work harder, work more. It’s always scary running a business. I’m an entrepreneur who constantly strives for more. I think there is no substitute for hard work. I think that people have to recognize and realize that sweating and hard work is something that will get you ahead, and it’s not always easy. Being an entrepreneur and working and succeeding are about long hours sometimes.

Do the right thing. Hope to be a little bit better tomorrow than you were today. That’s something that I always want to do, I want to be a little bit better tomorrow than I was today.

When you’re bringing on employees or interns, what are some key pieces of advice that you give them to survive in the PR business, or even just your company?

RT: Don’t be afraid to take chances! In order to do great things you have to take some chances. Work really hard. Care about what you do. We tell our people to treat our clients like they’re family. That really makes a difference, it shows that you’re passionate about what you are doing and that’s really important. If you’re passionate it would really show and really make a difference.

As natural sales people, PR, marketing, advertising reps sometimes get a bad rep for being insincere in business. Have you ever experienced bias from anyone thinking because you’re a PR professional that you’re always selling them something? 

RT: I think of PR as something that always existed. In many ways, it’s that woman that always wakes up at 7:00am to put on her makeup. After she puts on her makeup, is she a different woman or is she the same woman? In other words, when a woman wakes up in the morning she’s beautiful, but does she look the same without makeup? Not really. Once she puts on her clothes, to the outside world is she somebody different or is she the same? The day of a woman’s wedding, is she doing PR when she dresses herself up or is that the same woman that you know? She looks more beautiful… well yeah, she put more work into herself.

That’s PR. PR is something that always exists, and is something which constantly and consistently evolves and grows, because people evolve and grow. I think PR is something that does exist and always has existed, and is like that woman who wakes up and makes herself look more beautiful than she already is on a regular day. I think that’s what life is about, making sure you are looking your best and being packaged the best way you know how.

How would you deal with someone being biased toward you as a career professional, like, “You’re just a PR guy, why should I listen to you?”

RT: I can’t control what other people say or do. All one can do is do the best that they can and bring it the best way that they know how. One of the reasons that I wrote this book is to, frankly, offset some of the dispositions about me and my business and as an industry as a whole. Many people have tremendous misconceptions about what this business is about.

I wrote the book because when I read what’s out there about PR, they couldn’t be further from the truth. The way PR is reflected in the mainstream world, it’s just not accurate about what we do for a living. I wanted to write the book so people would see what the real PR industry and what a real PR professional is about.

What would like for anyone who reads this book to take away from your words?

RT: PR can make a huge difference is business, PR can make a huge difference in the world, and PR is something that will only continue to grow much more.

If you could go back to your 18-year-old self and give him a good piece of advice, what would it be?

RT: You don’t know anything. You can do anything and be true to yourself. People have got to know themselves. I think that I that I may not have made the most conventional decisions. If I could do it all over, I would realize that I’m not always right about everything. Also, that there is no substitute for hard work.

What are some key tips that you would give anyone for balancing career and home life?

RT: Have a boundary for yourself. That’s something that I personally still struggle with. Having a boundary between your personal life and work life will help you in every aspect of your life. Plan a vacation way in advance, something I’ve only learned to do recently. No matter what you do, don’t move it. Anywhere in the world today, phones work and BlackBerrys work, so you can’t run away from a call. Decide what you want to be, everybody has their own boundaries. Decide what’s most important for you.

What are some things coming up for you that you want people to look out for?

RT: My book was number three on the Amazon.com best seller list in terms of PR books. Hopefully it gets to number one, that will be really important to me. I’m 37 now, and I believe that my business has just started growing and we’re going to continue growing. We’re always looking for clients and we’re always looking for employees. We’re always striving to be a little better today than we were yesterday.

CLICK HERE to get Ronn Torossian’s For Immediate Release on Amazon.com

For more information on Ronn Torossian, go to RonnTorossian.com and 5WPR.com, follow him on Twitter @RTorossian5Wpr and like him at Facebook.com/RonnTorossian

It’s easy to say you have a positive attitude, but it’s not always as easy to maintain an uplifting mindset every day. Over the past decade, singer Syleena Johnson has kept the wind in her sails on all levels, despite the wild tides of the music industry. Johnson was a breakout Adult Contemporary artist in 2001 with accolades from Billboard, and was nominated for awards from the likes of MTV, Vibe and the Grammys for her collaboration on Kanye West‘s 2004 hit “All Falls Down.”

A wife, mother, songwriter and busy performer, Syleena is now releasing her fifth album, or chapter as she calls her projects, entitled Underrated. Throughout any challenges that might come her way, there is no doubt that the determined Gen-Xer will stick to her guns when it comes to family and career.

Syleena took some time out from her promotion schedule to give UrbLife.com a few tips on how we can work towards balance each day, and gave us insight on how she is holding strong to her craft. Does she feel that she’s been underrated in the business? How did being a sorority member help her in life? What is the best thing a fan has done for her?

Read on and find out as Syleena breaks down her Optimism Rules!

What are some key pointers on how busy people can juggle their life effectively?

Syleena Johnson: 1. Organization.

This is key for everything. What I do is write lists of all of the different responsibilities that I have to do according to my hats. It’s like singer hat is one list, mom hat is one list, and wife hat is one list. I post charts over at my house… I know that’s sick. I put calendars everywhere and my assistant helps me a lot. She puts reminders in my phone, just reminders of everything, my doctor’s appointments, everything.

It’s very hard for me to focus on everything all at once. It’s easier for me to really push the responsibility and give it to someone else, as opposed to trying to do everything all at once. It definitely helps to simplify my life.

2. Take Time to Yourself (or Keep Liquor Handy).

You’re going to need a shot or a glass of something at the end of the night. My older sister always tells me, because she has two boys, you have to take an hour out of your day every day just to something that you want. It could be something stupid like going to sit in the quiet, but as long as you go and take an hour for yourself to go and do you. Or a couple of hours.

3. Get Romantic!

Remember to incorporate romance. This depends on how much help you have, but my mother in law keeps our kids every other weekend. My husband and I love to go to the movies, so we always catch the new movie out. It’s something that we do and we try to stay consistent in doing it.

4. Get Help.

Hiring help like maid service or nannies. I’m not big on nannies, but maid service definitely. It’s hard to do the housework when you’re doing so much.

5. Shut it Down!

Turning your phone off. Sometimes during the day, just cutting it off. When you’re driving, cut it off. You’re not supposed to be on it anyway.

6. Have Faith.

Going to church to keep the stress down. The only way to survive in this industry is by having faith. Without faith it’s actually the opposite, you won’t be able to do it. You have to have faith and you have to keep God first. You have to pray, in the morning take time to pray. Pray, meditate, exercise. You must take time out to do these things for yourself.

When I first had my second baby, I had to get ready for the video so I had to work out, but there was no time for me to do that during the day because he was nursing all day. He was sleeping through the night, maybe four or five hours, so I would up at 3:30am because that’s when he woke up; feed him, and prepare myself to go the gym which was 30 minutes away. Workout by 5:00am, be home by 7:30am… I was so tired, but that’s what I had to do.

I would take a nap later until I was able to change up. You have to be willing to sacrifice certain things and discipline yourself in order to be as organized as possible.

7. Stick to a Routine.

You have to get your kids in a routine. Putting them in a routine makes life simpler. If they know what they’re supposed to do every day, then that’s going to help you simplify things around them.

You are a member of Zeta Phi Beta. How much did sorority life play a role in helping you develop your career by your affiliations?

SJ: It really didn’t have much to do with me being a singer, although I did sing at events and did step shows. I was step master as well. It really didn’t promote me to be a singer; I was already doing that when I became a member of Zeta Phi Beta. It has enhanced my life and I have a forged sisterhood bond forever. It’s definitely a strong part of my life, especially since the national president is Sheryl Underwood, who is also in the entertainment industry.

Where do you feel you’re at in your career? 

SJ: I think that there is always room for improvement and acceleration for me, but I am happy and I’m in a very happy place. A very confident place, as far as my music is concerned and I think that I’m on the right track musically. I’m content where I am vocally.

Have you ever felt you needed to change your style for any reason, or are you just into sticking with the art?

SJ: I definitely will not try to change my style. I’ll try to make it cool or fresh, but I won’t try to change it to conform to anything or anyone. I definitely will never do that.

What would you say that your fans expect from you as an artist?

SJ: I think they expect soulful singing. I think that they expect the lyrics. I think that they expect me to sound like the record because I am a soulful artist. Most of the times when you go see an artist that is soulful like a Jill Scott or Erykah Badu or Lauryn Hill, its quality music and lyrics. Marsha Ambrosious, we as fans – because I’m also a fan – expect you to sound like the record or better.

What is the craziest or most fun thing that a fan has ever done for you?

SJ: [At a recent show] one of my fans showed me her iPod, and was like “Look, it’s real out here!” In her iPod were all of the albums that I had made. She had everything.

You called your new album, or chapter, Underrated. Do you feel that you have been underrated?

SJ: I think that if you look up ‘underrated’ or ‘underestimated’ in the dictionary, I definitely think that I have been underestimated. I’ve been told that I’m not going to be anything, that I’m not going to go over a certain amount of records, I’m not going to look a certain way. I do feel like I am underestimated. I feel like I’m underrated as far as not being able to see me on the mainstream and stuff like that.

What do you want people to know about you with this new album, about where you’re at musically and as a person?

SJ: That there is more to me than just soulful singing. I’m versatile, and there are a bunch of different genres I can incorporate in my music. Not only that, but the average fan can put it on a scale from beginning to end, and be so happy about it.

Watch Syleena Johnson sing an acoustic version of “Angry Girl”, accompanied by Tweet